Vanilla: Stan the Man, Lap Dance Room, and the Secret Admirer

Have you ever seen somebody who gives you the “heebie jeebies?”  They don’t have to speak a word.  They don’t even have to look in your direction.  You can just feel their dark vibe from across the room.

Tonight, I got that feeling.  This guy walked into Club Vanilla acting as if he owned the place.  He swaggered over to a secluded table to the right of the stage.  I studied his face as he watched the girls on stage.  He almost appeared bored.  When Kitty, a knockout blonde who is a favorite of our patrons, approached him with a flirty sway of her hips he waved her off.  He ignored all advances from Trish as well.

I shot a glance over at the bar where Diane, Kieran, and Crystal were slammed with demanding patrons.  Diane rolled her eyes at the guy shaking her head at his attitude.  I saw the change come over her face, warning me that something was about to happen.

I looked back over at the guy just in time to see Lenny slap his feet off the table.  The guy stood up facing off with Lenny.  They stood eye to eye which was an accomplishment since Lenny towers over most men.  I threw Diane a worried look.  She took no notice of me; she was too busy studying the situation that was unraveling in that dark corner of the club.

I watched as Thomas expertly diffused the situation.  He and the guy walked into the back office.  I’m not sure what they could possibly have to discuss, but I’m sure their conversation would be nefarious in its content.  The guy had evil stamped all over him.

I jumped as Diane suddenly appeared by my left side.

“Oops, sorry about that Vanilla.” She knew that I didn’t like to be approached from my left without a verbal warning.

“No worries.”

“I have something for you.”

I raised my eyebrows at her lopsided grin.  She looked like the cat that had eaten the canary.

“Another envelope arrived for you today.”

My breath caught in my throat.  I felt the anticipation spread outwards from my gut.  I hoped that it was another letter from my Secret Admirer.  I tried to act all nonchalant.  I don’t think Diane was buying my act.

“Okay, so an envelope arrived…”

“Do you want me to give it to you now?”

Of course, I did!  I simply shrugged, forcing my eyes to turn towards the stage.

“You, know you aren’t fooling me, right?” Diane chuckled as she handed me the plain white envelope with only my name scrawled on it.

I headed towards one of the empty Lap Dance rooms.  Pushing aside the beaded curtain, I walked into the dimly lit room.  I sat down on the tacky red velour couch perching lightly on its edge – not daring to sit on the cushion.  I had heard rumors of what happened in these rooms.  The Club Vanilla motto was, “What happened in the Lap Dance rooms, stayed in the Lap Dance rooms.”

I felt somewhat stupid at the anticipation that was making my hands tremble slightly.  For goodness sake, I was not some naïve school girl!  Yet, there I sat holding an envelope that I hoped had another poem in it, trembling in anticipation.

With exquisite care, I gently opened the envelope.  Inside was a piece of paper folded in thirds.  Smiling, I opened up the sheet of paper as my eyes hungrily devoured the words.

Gaze Senryū 川柳
Charcoal etched voyeurs
Poised dignity protects her
onyx sculptured heart

Who was this Secret Admirer who could see into the depths of my soul?  I hadn’t a clue.

All, I knew was that each poem was a ray of light in my dark world…

 

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Thank you to the Secret Admirer (aka Memoirs of a Dragon) for writing another touching poem for Vanilla.  Please take a moment to go visit his blog.
Who is Stan?  Who is Diane?  Who are Kieran and Crystal?

Vanilla: Thomas, Crystal, and the Secret Admirer

I had just walked in the Club when Diane started “psssting” me.  I gave her a funny look as I walked over to the Stage where Thomas was talking to Lenny.  One of his rules was that each of the girls had to check in with him the moment they arrived at the Club.  After the other night I planned on being a stickler to every darn rule he’d ever spoken.

Thomas saw me approaching.  He dismissed Lenny while his eyes ran over my body.

“Let me see.”

I held out my arms determined not to flinch as his hands pushed up my sleeves.  The bruises were dark splotches against my pale skin.  His thumb caressed my skin softly in stark contrast to his brutal touch the other night.

“Why do you make me do this to you, Vanilla.”  His blue eyes were laden with pain.  I simply stared at him knowing better than to answer.  “You will dance with a robe, no pasties, and a thong today.”

I squelched the fury rising from my gut.  I had a strict rule that I always wore pasties when I danced.  A long time ago, I had rationalized that pasties gave me a modicum of decency.  Thomas knew I would feel degraded and vulnerable without their coverage for my breasts.  He pulled me closer so that our bodies were brushing.  Over his shoulder, I saw the bartender Crystal throw me a heated glare before a mask of forced disinterest settled upon her face.

“Don’t argue with me.”  My body shivered of its own accord.  I gave him a sharp nod.  I started to back away from him.  He tightened his hold on me inhaling my scent.  “And never wear that perfume again, you smell like a slut.”  I simply nodded.  He’d bought me the damn perfume so I was relieved not to have to smell its cloying scent ever again.

Thomas headed toward the bar slipping up behind Crystal his arms wrapping in her in hug.   She giggled over something he said then she let him lead her towards the back office.  She tossed me a smug smile.  The poor girl didn’t have a clue what she’d gotten herself into with Thomas.

Diane rushed out from behind the bar an envelope grasped in her hand.  She thrust the envelope at me.  I saw the dangerous anger lurking in her eyes.  She hated the way Thomas treated me.  The only reason she kept silent was for Lily’s sake…we both knew that.

“What is it?”

“I don’t know it was in the stack of mail.  I grabbed it before Thomas could see it.”

It was an innocuous white envelope with only my name scrawled across its length.  I heard Diane’s impatient toe tapping.  I rolled my eyes at her.  I carefully tore upon the envelope.  Inside folded perfectly in thirds was a single sheet of paper.  I unfolded the paper.  The typed words on the page stared back at me.

“Well…”  Diane insisted.  The words on the page had touched me so greatly I couldn’t utter a sound.  I handed Diane the piece of paper.

~ Sway ~

But for her circumstances
she would have been … otherwise
No matter …..
she IS resolute

But for her choices
she would have been ….. other wise
No difference ….
she IS tenacious

But for her love
she would be ….. adrift
No regrets …..
she IS grateful

But for her daughter
she would be ….. abandoned
No pain unbearable …..
they ARE luminous

Swaying briefly to their music
but never to their crimes
Swaying eternally to her Destiny
     but never to his vanity
Swaying rapturously to her Life
    but never to his revenge
Swaying purposefully to her Universe
    but never to his vacuum

She

Holds

         ~ Sway ~

For ever love
Forever Love

Diane raised her eyes to mine.  We stood there in silence.  The poem seemed to demand a moment without sound, a time of reflection.  As a poet, the words found their way to a part of my heart that I thought was dead.  I was moved in my soul.

“You, have a secret admirer.” Diane whispered giving my hand a soft squeeze.

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A huge “Thank You” to the Secret Admirer (aka Memoirs of a Dragon) for the beautiful poem.  Please make sure to check out the beautiful poetry on his blog.

Vanilla: Bruised Not Broken

I’m not sure how long I’d been staring at the computer screen, but I know some time had passed.  My entire body was aching today.  I self-consciously tugged my long-sleeve shirt down again.  I knew that Marcus was watching me out of the corner of his eye.  I’d managed to avoid eye contact with him ever since he’d surprised me a few minutes after I’d sat down in my usual spot.

At that point, I hadn’t had time to cover the bruises that were showing where my shirt had ridden up on my arms.  Marcus asked me what the hell had happened.  I couldn’t find the words to answer him.  I doubted he wanted to hear a full confession of the horrific Saturday evening I’d had.  So, I did what now comes naturally, I lied.

The last couple of days had taken their toll on me, mind and body.  Rescuing Jade had set off a chain of unexpected events.  I didn’t regret helping her for one second, but there were always consequences to my actions when it came to Thomas.  The good news is that Carlos had come through for Jade in a big way.  She was headed across the country with a new identity.  Jade had promised to contact me via email when she got settled in California.

My mind drifted back to the meeting with Pastor Elisha in the Uptown Hotel.  When I’d opened the door I was surprised to see that she had her hands full of food for all of us.  The Pastor had some really good ideas for helping Jade, and other women, get out of domestic violence situations.  I felt that familiar tug on my heart as she talked of wanting to set up a program to help abused partners.  That tug was my heart’s early warning signal that I was about to get deeply involved with someone or something.

I was pleasantly surprised how easy it was to talk to Pastor Elisha.  Thankfully, she wasn’t one of those people who tried to shove Jesus down your throat.  She had no qualms about bringing up His Name in conversation, but she didn’t condemn Jade or me.  Honestly, I’m not sure where I stand with the whole God thing.  And I’m not really sure a person like me should even sully His reputation by saying His Name out loud.

My getting Jade settled on a bus, headed out of town, had made me late getting back to the club on Saturday evening.  Unfortunately, I wasn’t late enough to miss Thomas’s blatant flirting with his new flavor of the month, Crystal, the bartender.  I wonder if he even sees the irony in the way his hands caressed her bruises making sure she was alright, but then only hours later those same hands left my body covered with bruises?  I doubt it!

He was normally more careful about leaving marks on my skin, especially in places that would be viewable when I stripped.  This time he was convinced that I’d been with another man the night I stayed with Jade in the hotel.  No amount of promises, that I hadn’t been with a man, deterred him from that notion.  He was never going to believe that I hadn’t been with a man since that night five years ago. His eyes warned me of what was to come.  Yet, I was still shocked by the hatred with which he claimed me as his property.

That fact that Lily was down the hall sleeping forced me to suffer his attack in silence.  My sweet Lily…my hope… for her, I can endure anything that Thomas dishes out.

He WILL NOT break me!

Who is Marcus?  Who is Jade?  Who is Pastor Elisha?  Who is Crystal?  Who is Thomas?

Crystal: Bartender and Thomas

‘AGAIN!’ the drunk, overweight businessman demanded as he leaned across the bar and stuffed a few notes down my top.

‘Larry honey I think you’ve had enough…want me to call you a cab?’

He swayed sleepily, raised his eyebrows and tried his best to keep his eyes from rolling.  ‘Look Crystal,’ he slurred and waved some more bills in my face; ‘If THIS wont get me just one more drink….what exactly WILL it get me? You do that stuff don’t you? Going that extra mile…customer satisfaction and all that…?’

I flushed and tried not to stiffen but even Larry – as drunk as he was- noticed my change in demeanor.  A smirk crossed his lips and he slowly nodded,  ‘Oh, so you do, eh?’ he leaned towards me once more, the sickly sweet smell of Jack Daniels and cigarettes clouding the air and sticking in my lungs.

‘I’ll call you that cab…or would you rather I called your wife?’

‘Bitch!’ he lunged at me gripping my throat, his clammy hands tightening around my neck. I couldn’t move, I tried not to panic but it was no use.

As if from nowhere, the security guard stepped in and pulled him off me, catching my shirt in the process and practically tearing it off of me. ‘Come on Larry, time to go’ he said frog marching him to the fire exit, ‘See you tomorrow night.’

I stood shocked to the core, rubbing my neck with one hand and cupping my breasts with the other in a bid to cover myself.

‘Loosen up sweet cheeks the punters pay good money to see those,’ winked one of the girls.

‘You’ll get used to it’ laughed another.

‘Maybe you’re in the wrong department’ came a whisper from over my shoulder so close that I could feel his hot breath on my bare neck like a thousand butterfly kisses.

Thomas. My boss. I inhaled deeply and closed my eyes as he pressed himself behind me, teasing me, tracing his fingers across my skin where light bruises were already showing. I trembled in anticipation…tilting my head to the side and slowly moving my hips; willing him to touch me more…take me there and then… remembering the night I was offered the job less than a week earlier.

We had met by chance one evening and honestly he swept me off my feet. I knew nothing about him other than the fact that he was handsome, charming and obviously not short of money…what else could a girl want? We talked, he asked me about me…he made me believe that I was the sexiest girl on the planet, he had honest eyes…and that smile…just WOW! I’m ashamed to admit it but I threw my inhibitions out the window that first night and went back to his hotel room with him.

He was gentle but rough when it mattered, It was clear that he was used to women dropping to their knees for him -literally- and going out of their way to satisfy him. It sounds silly but he had this power that made you feel almost honored to be the one chosen to pleasure him that evening.  It wasn’t until afterwards that I realized that it was some kind of interview in his mind.

‘You know…we are short of bar staff at my club…think you could handle it?’ he asked me, raising one eyebrow and scanning my body while I pulled on my sweater.

‘Well…I could use the money’ I said struggling to stop myself blushing at the mere sight of him.

‘You ok with doing extras?’

‘Well yeah I can mainly work the bar but I have a little experience in cleaning and odd jobs….’

‘It’s the odd jobs I’m interested in…and after last night I’d definitely give you a reference…the jobs all yours if you want it’

Assuming he was joking I took the job…working next to him everyday? Regular hook-ups with the boss? Erm, ‘Yes, please!’

I should have known there was more to it than that…

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Thank you to Crystal (aka Beth – Comfortably Numb) for this episode of The MisAdventures of Vanilla.  Make sure to go check out Beth’s blog
Who is Thomas?